Hope for the Brokenhearted:
Biblical Solutions for Survivors of Abuse and Rape
by Todd R. Cook
Other resources for survivors of abuse by Todd R. Cook may be seen at www.hopebooks.info
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Continue down to preview the table of contents and first chapter.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1 THERE IS HOPE
Effects of Abuse in Adults
2 ABUSE IS SIN
Verbal Abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Responsibility for Abuse
3 WHY THERE IS SUFFERING
Reason for Suffering
God’s Justice
Why Christians Suffer
Benefits of Suffering
A Choice to Make
4 DEVELOPMENT OF THE EFFECTS OF ABUSE
Physical Effects
Thinking Effects
Emotional Effects
Behavioral Effects
5 BIBLICAL SELF-CONCEPT
Pride
Low Self-view
Inward Focus
Biblical Self-concept
Stopping Self Abuse
6 GOD’S LOVE
7 FORGIVENESS
Bitterness
Guilt
God Forgives Us
We forgive Others
We Forgive Ourselves
8 RENEWING THE MIND
Triggers for Memories
Flashbacks
How to Handle Memories
Controlling Your Mind
What to Do for Nightmares
Resolving Issues in the Mind
How One Woman Dealt with Rape
Solving Problems
9 GRIEVING
Emotions in Grieving
Stages in Grieving
10 STRESS
Post Traumatic Stress
Cause of Stress
Stress Assessment
Stress Reduction
11 POWER TO CHANGE
12 EMOTIONS
Feelings
Depression
Anger
Contentment
Joy and Gladness
Mixed Emotions
Easing Emotional Pain
Managing Emotions
13 FEARS AND TRUST
Security
Fears
Trusting God
Giving God Control
Worries
What You Can Do
14 PURPOSE IN LIFE
15 RELATIONSHIP SKILLS
Love
Friendship
Companionship
Loneliness
16 DEALING WITH ABUSIVE PEOPLE
Dealing with Your Abuser
Dealing with Family
Principles for Dealing with the Abuser
If You Are Currently Being Abused
Tips to Keep You Safe
Dealing with Rejection
17 FAMILY DESIGN
Marriage
Parenting
Gifts from God
Sex
Who You Should Marry
18 CHRISTIAN LIFE
Salvation
Assurance of Salvation
Christian Living
Temptations
Results of Trials
APPENDIX - A PHILOSOPHY OF MEDICATION
TOPICAL SCRIPTURE INDEX
THERE IS HOPE
There is hope for the survivors of abuse. That hope is in the person of Jesus Christ according to 1 Timothy 1:1. Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith according to Hebrews 12:2. This means that since He was involved in the creation of life He knows the best way to live life. He has given us the Bible as His instructions on how to live life (2 Tim. 3:16, 17). This book will explain to you how Jesus and His book, the Bible, can help heal your hurts.
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord (Luke 4:18-19).
These words were spoken by Jesus. Jesus came for the less fortunate. Notice especially that Jesus was sent to heal the brokenhearted. There are very few people that are more brokenhearted than survivors of abuse. Jesus came especially to heal that broken heart that has been ravished by abuse. Just think that the Almighty God has come especially to heal your broken heart. He also came to preach deliverance to the captives. You may have been held physically captive. You may also feel captive to your emotions of shame, helplessness, guilt and worthlessness. He can deliver you from these feelings. He also was sent to set at liberty those who are bruised. The word bruised here has the idea of crushed. Jesus has come to set free those who have been crushed emotionally by their abuser. Yes, Jesus has come especially for your situation.
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:4-6).
Isaiah 53:4-6 is a prophecy of what Christ would do on the cross when he came to earth the first time. Jesus came to take care of our physical, emotional and spiritual needs. We experience many of the benefits of Christ’s first coming here on earth but the complete healing will come when we get to heaven. One of the beautiful truths of this passage is that He bore our sins so that we do not have to bear our own sins.
And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses; Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross (Colossians 2:13-14).
Jesus also forgives. Notice that it says, “having forgiven you all trespasses.” When we trust Jesus as our Savior, Jesus forgives all our sins. This means that God sees us as without guilt and sin.
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that,
while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (
God loves you. He loves you even as a sinner. You do not have to clean up your life for God to love you. God does not see you as unlovable. God loves you because it is His nature to do so. He loves you regardless of what you have done or what has been done to you. That love also brings you salvation. Romans 5:8 says, “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” That means He died in your place, He took the penalty you deserved. This substitution or salvation is applied to your life through faith.
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast (Eph. 2:8-9).
Salvation is a free gift. It is not something that we earn through good works. We do not receive it from being someone special in our own eyes. God just gives it to whoever has faith to receive it. It can be yours right now through faith. You can express your faith right now in prayer by asking God to forgive you, save your soul and give you eternal life. There are no magic words you must say. Just ask God to save you in your own words. You can ask God to save you at any time, anywhere and He will do it.
God offers strength to those who have received him. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” He can and will give you the strength to get through each day.
God’s Word can have a powerful effect on our lives as well.
My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy word (Ps. 119:28).
This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me (Ps. 119:50).
Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them (Ps. 119:165).
Psalm 119:28, 50, 165, tell us that God’s Word can give us strength, comfort, life, and peace. In John 8:31, 32 Jesus says that His truth will make you free. John 17:17 says that God’s Word has a sanctifying effect which means that it helps separate us from sin to God.
The Word of God has authority. Because of the abuse, the survivor of abuse may have developed values and beliefs that are not consistent with the Word of God. Because the Bible carries the authority of God, it can correct the thinking and value system of the survivor of abuse.
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
For the word
of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged
sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the
joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart
(Hebrews
Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost (2 Peter 1:20-21).
Make a goal to read a Psalm every day. This will aid immensely in your healing. If you are not sure of your salvation, read the Gospel of John also. Reading God’s Word is a life-changing experience.
Prayer will also aid in your healing. Give your burdens and requests to God. Don't take them back. Having a desire to heal is very important. With God’s help you are able to heal. Remember Christ came specifically to heal the brokenhearted. If Christ came to heal the brokenhearted, He must want you to be healed. Do not start thinking that you are not worthy to be healed. God knows you are worthy to be healed. Some barriers to healing are:
- Not believing that God’s Word applies to you.
- Not believing you are worthy to be healed. Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18).
- Not believing or practicing biblical principles for living.
- Not understanding that much of your emotional make up is a result of childhood or domestic abuse.
- Believing there is no hope. God says there is hope.
- Fear that healing will cause a flood of uncontrollable emotion that is too much to bear. This book will try to resolve some of the causes of those emotions to make it easier to bear.
- Unwillingness to change or fear of change.
- Not drawing close to God.
This book focuses on healing from the effects of abuse and rape. On the next page is a list of the effects of abuse on adults. This list was compiled because the effects of abuse are common under the circumstances. Statistics say about one in four girls and about one in seven boys are sexually abused before age eighteen. A later chapter will explain how these effects developed. Since these effects were learned or developed, that means that they can be changed. The thought that these effects can be changed brings hope. Keep in mind that when these effects are developed during childhood, the healing during adulthood takes longer because adults are less impressionable than children and learn at a slower rate. Remember God is in the business of healing and He can work miracles.
The following are effects of abuse in adults:
PHYSICAL
trauma to genital area, venereal disease, change in sleep patterns, uncontrollable shaking, sexual dysfunction, loss of virginity, scars, change in brain function
THINKING
Nightmares, poor self-view, not trusting, flashbacks, constant thinking about assault, self-blame, deserves to be punished, self is not worth caring for, self-hate, perfectionism, suicidal thoughts, don’t care, sexual coldness, unforgiving, bitterness, loneliness, poor judgment in relationships, lack of concentration, prejudice, hearing voices, paranoia, daily problems magnified, despair, hopelessness
EMOTIONAL
Depression, fear of intimacy, feel ashamed , feel betrayed, feel confused, anxiety, phobias, guilt, embarrassed, anger, feel dirty, feel damaged, feel unworthy, feel unlovable, edginess, feel helpless or powerless, emotional numbing, mixed feelings , panic attacks, insecure
BEHAVIORAL
suicidal attempts, cutting or harming self, self-mutilation, eating disorders, alcohol or drug abuse, promiscuousness, smoking, hang with abusive people, not getting close to people, pornography, obsessive - compulsive disorder, criminal behavior, abusing others, prejudice, masturbation, withdrawn, isolation, pacing, hypersensitivity to touch, people pleasing, aggressively control environment, self-destructive behaviors, homosexuality, uncleanliness
By Pastor Todd R. Cook
Email - Todd R. Cook
Hope for a New Day by Todd and Susan Cook (a devotional book)